Parker first paragraph - A bit of fluff for the day

Just as a bit of fun for the day I decided, as I am reading one of Richard Stark's Parker novels to experiment with writing an opening paragraph to a Parker novel in the style of Stark. So I did.

I wrote a paragraph which I thought was pretty good. Then read it and decided that it wasn't quite right. Richard Stark's prose is, like his name, Stark. Striped of all the fat. He doesn't do much in the way of purple prose descriptions that go on and on and on and on for pages at a time. He doesn't waste words at all. It's like John Carpenter's Assault on Precinct 13, everything striped back to the bare essentials. It's what makes his books such terrific reads, it's also why most, if not all of the books, are under 300 pages.

Anyway, here is my bit of fluff for the day. The opening paragraph to a Parker novel never to be written, in the four different attempts to strip the words back to get it closer to something Stark may have even approved of if he were still with us. Hope you enjoy.

1st attempt

When Parker heard the knock on the door he picked up his gun and buffaloed the man mid-knock. As the man tried to grab his face that was now a bloody mess Parker grabbed him by the hair and pulled him into the room, shutting the door behind him. Parker then turned and moved quickly to the man who was on his hands and knees trying to pick his teeth up off the floor and clubbed him twice more around the face. He kicked him in the stomach, knocking him onto his back, then pointed the gun straight at his face and pulled back the hammer. “Who are you?” he asked.

2nd attempt

When Parker heard the knock he picked up his gun and buffaloed the man mid-knock as he opened the door. Parker grabbed him by the hair and pulled him into the room, shutting the door behind him. He turned and moved to the man who was on his hands and knees trying to pick his teeth up off the floor and clubbed him twice more. He kicked him in the stomach, knocking him onto his back, then pointed the gun straight at his face, “Who are you?”

3rd attempt

When Parker heard the knock he picked up his gun and buffaloed the man mid-knock as he opened the door. He grabbed him by the hair and pulled him into the room, shutting the door behind. He turned and moved to the man now on his hands and knees trying to pick his teeth up and clubbed him twice more. He kicked him in the stomach and pointed the gun at his face, “Who are you?”

4th attempt

When he heard the knock Parker picked up his gun and buffaloed the man mid-rap as he opened the door. He grabbed him by the hair and pulled him into the room. Parker turned and moved to the man, now on his hands and knees with a bloody face and clubbed him twice more, kicked him in the stomach and pointed the gun at him, “Who are you?”